Moving Forward After Acceptance
Pain and loss therapists will tell you that acceptance is the final step. Maybe for losing someone or something it is, but for me, acceptance clearly marked the beginning.
Acceptance did not rid me of daily anxiety, overthinking, physical pain, etc. Instead, it merely shifted a thought pattern in my brain — like a grinding gear that finally fit into place. I finally understood why I was feeling the way I was.
However, like a single gear is linked to hundreds of others, there was still a whole mechanism that needed to be rebuilt.
I needed to rebuild the way my brain processed thoughts.
From about 1st grade-3rd grade, I used to tell teachers I had a tummy ache in order to trick the nurse to calling my one way ticket out of school — Mumsie. Did I miss her? Yes. But was that why I called? No. I simply could not wait another 7.5 more hours of boredom until the final school bell granted me freedom.
In short, I’ve never been one for patience.
That is why once I learned my brain was prone to anxiety, I decided I would be able to fix it. Fast. It would be easy, right? I knew the problem, so like a crazed mechanic I just had to get up under the hood, tighten a few bolts, and then I’d be ready for Nascar.
Easy.
The only problem was, when it came to metaphorical mechanicry, I was not a very skilled. No yet, anyway. I knew close to nothing about he workings of my brain. Regardless, I got right to work.
I studied anxiety. I talked to friends. I slept with a warmed water pad on my chest to ease the pain. I sang hymns. I battled each negative thought with three positive ones. At one point I even fasted for almost 48 hours (one meal in between) hoping to reach some sort of enlightenment.
If that star trek dude were there he would be shouting, “She’s giving it all she’s got, Captain!!!!’ (In a british accent, obviously)
I was.
Needless to say, I did not solve all my anxieties in one day. Or one week. Or one month. And, unless you find a magic secret that works for you (which honestly, I hope you do with all my might), you might not either. And thats ok. I repeat, that is ok.
You see,
When i started this endeavor, I thought the purpose was to fix what was inevitably broken inside. That one day I would find a crack, get some spackle, and smooth it over. But, at least for me, thats not quite how it worked.
I was not ‘fixed’ in two weeks, and over time (and I mean, a lot of time), I’ve learned this:
Working through anxiety is a process of accepting, understanding, and moving forward.
Accept that you are feeling anxious. Anxiety is normal, and only means you are a unique human being experiencing real, raw human emotion. Take a deep breath, feel love and acceptance for yourself go through your body, and just be in that moment.
Once you feel ok that you are feeling this way, do your best to understand why you are feeling the way you feel with the feelings you are feeling (say that 5 times fast). Yes, to my original horror, that means you need to allow yourself to feel the stress, tightness, overwhelm, and anxious feelings. Go into it. You may feel like it will overtake you, but you will be surprised at just how strong you are. Every feeling is a wave. Let it come, let it flow, and ask yourself ‘why am I feeling this particular way about this particular situation?’
Then, move forward. Make a plan. I should say, make a simple plan. If going in the store by yourself makes you feel anxious, maybe just pull in the parking lot for a few minutes, practice breathing, feeling, and accepting yourself, and then drive away. Work on changing the brain patterns from fear and stress, to love and encouragement.
You got this.
Learning how your brain works is a process. Like Mumsie would say, ‘trust the process’. Practice and let it be. You are already on the road to a healthier mind. You are a beautiful, unique irridescent moonbeam that deserves a wonderful life.
And,
You’re doing better than you think.
